: On Wedding Planning :: Part 1 :

The first, last, and perhaps only lesson I learned from planning a wedding is - if you can't do it (way) ahead of time, don't do it yourself. I learned this lesson from my darling fiance who, while everyone else was saying "whatever you want," was saying "is that really what you want to be doing the day before the wedding?"

Seth keeps me grounded. That's why I married him.

We decided right away that our main goals for our wedding were for things to be simple, comfortable, and fun. My first goal was to figure out where we would be wed. After that, I thought, everything else would fall into place.

Seth and I spent many lingering July twilights staring up at the layers of leaves in our tree, discussing scenarios, options, and hashing out where we would have our wedding. Our first thought was to have it at Seth's Dad's house. It would be comfortable and it would be SO fun! But as I let Seth in on my vision for this stay-at-home-wedding ...

...every room could have a different theme! All the food could be buffet style in the kitchen with tables throughout the house and a tent in the lawn! And a tent on the patio! There could be so many places for things to be going on! People could gather in small groups! It could FEEL like a small wedding even though its a huuge wedding! We could have croquet! The whole third floor could be where the kids hang out, we could decorate it like UP! and have Pixar movies for them to watch! And popcorn! We could make little lanterns for each table! We could...

..."Do you really want to spend the day before the wedding making lanterns, decorating my dad's house, setting up tents and tables and speakers? Do you really want to make everyone we know come over to help us blow up hundreds of balloons the morning of the wedding so the kids can pretend the house is flying away?"

Comfortable and fun - yes - but not simple. We got rid of that idea.

Then I began frantically searching the internet for places in Kentucky and Cincinnati where you can get married and have a reception. SO MANY OPTIONS! There were so many options! Some I nixed because of price, some I nixed because the carpet was ugly, some I nixed because they had drop tile ceilings, some I nixed because they had no windows. (I admit that I am a complete snob when it comes to decor.) Some Dad nixed because no one should have to drive more than an hour to get to my wedding. (Although by that logic I probably should have been looking for a place in Middletown.) In the end I had about three or four viable options. Even so, all these locations were spinning around in my head with their attributes, lack of attributes, menu options, price ranges, seating capacity, rental cost, rules, candle policies, availability...

At the very end of July and the beginning of August I was home for the big Car-Part Training event. There was a lot going on at work, and I had so many things to do after work! My to-do list involved getting a hall, getting a caterer, getting a florist, getting everyone you are supposed to get ahead of time, looking at dresses, looking at bridesmaids dresses, mothers dresses... Mom and I finally made plans to go see a hall on Wednesday, and Dad and Cindy were going to come too. When we got there it was pretty awesome, but we quickly realized it couldn't even hold all the Schroders. (Why they list 200 as their maximum capacity I will never know.) As this realization slowly sank in, all the other locations and their many attributes began spinning again. My brain was on the brink of a chaotic expulsion of hullabaloo, when the lady showing us around said that they had just made a deal with the Highland Country Club, and they were having a special hugely discounted price if you booked in July, and she could take us there right now!

We walked in to the Highland Country Club and were greeted by Dan, the manager, with a huge smile, a handshake and glasses of water, or coke, or anything we wanted. They showed us around and we asked questions. "Oh sure, of course." "Oh yea, we do that all the time." "Oh, you know, the dining room is basically a wall of windows looking out over the sunset." "Oh - and did we mention you can use our glass hurricane centerpieces for a total of $50 extra dollars?"

I think maybe my brain did expel the hullabaloo. This was easy. This seemed fun. They have two fireplaces. (In my brain that means they are automatically comfortable.)

This picture, incidentally, is what I see when I look into my engagement ring.
This picture is what flashes in my head when everything is right and beautiful in the world.

So now we have a venue, and everything else is going to fall into place!

The Dress.
My wonderful and talented aunt Lana generously offered to make my dress for me. This was such a huge relief, since I am never able to find dresses I like that fit me well and look good on me. The first step towards Lana making my dress was to go try on dresses and get a feel for what I wanted, what looked good on me, the different fabrics, what can be done, etc. We went and tried on dresses. The only way to make the thought of trying on expensive uncomfortable dresses bearable to this ragamuffin hillbilly was to surround myself with people who looove dresses, and love me too. I asked the lady at the store if there was a limit on the number of people I could bring with me. She said there wasn't really, but I should keep in mind that the more people came, the more opinions there would be, and the harder it would be for me. I didn't tell her that she was full of malarkey, we weren't planning on finding a dress to buy, that I needed as many people as possible to tell me  her dresses weren't ugly, and that she probably shouldn't let me touch her pretty white expensive dresses in the first place.

I didn't tell her any of that, and brought an entourage of 2 moms, 1 aunt, 3 cousins and my reluctant self. If I had known at the time that Paul was going to be my maid of honor I would have made him come too.

Mom, obviously, provided lots of emotional support, and has lots of experience deciding whether things look good on me or not. (And honestly telling me when they don't.)
Cindy is really great at making me feel good about myself no matter what.
Lana is an expert at her craft, and knew how we could recreate all the dresses I tried on. (And what fabrics they were made out of, so that when I said things like "I like how this does this," she knew what I meant. I think.)
Jody is a wedding expert and knows everything there is to know about what's fashionable and what looks good. She's also already planned her own spectacular wedding and knows what's up.
Anne is a combination of Lana and Jody, and loves pretty things. She always reminds me that I like pretty things too, and that sometimes it can be fun to dress up. Anne also has already planned her own spectacular wedding, and also knows what's up.
Julie makes every event fun no matter how horrifying or dull it could be. Always smiling, always laughing, always a gleam in her eye!

These were all very important people to have with me. The whole event turned out to be quite diverting.
"I like how this one goes whoooooosh."
"I like how this one fits like this here and like that there."
"I like the sash I guess?"
"I like how this one goes whooo! in the back."
"I loove the lace on this one, but its scratchy. We shouldn't have lace anywhere on the bodice or it will be too scratchy."

"You're taking bridal comfort to a whole new level!" Jody teased.

Finally we decided we had to stop and let Anne and Julie try dresses on. That was way more fun.

Oh! Remember the Car-Part Training Conference? That's the whole reason I'm in town. During the different talks and presentations, I spent my time drawing different dress designs, front and back, on the notepaper that was (conveniently) provided. I had two main designs going on, and they were pretty similar. Later we went to Lana's and I showed her my drawings and we talked about materials, looked at Grandma, Jody and Anne's dresses, talked about different shades of white, different levels of glossiness, weight, thickness...all sorts of things I'd never thought about before. We determined a neckline, a skirt and a basic idea of what the front and back would look like. I already knew it was going to be a thousand times prettier than anything I'd seen at the store!

When I was back in Vermont Lana sent me samples of some fabric and some lace. I was so excited! I opened the package and showed it all to Seth. Instead of looking at them and giving a verdict, as I thought he would, he rubbed each fabric in between his fingers and got this disgusted look on his face. "That feels terrible!" This was not at all the reaction I was expecting. Feeling. Now different fabrics and their various qualities (including softness) are swirling through my brain.

Anne suggested that we all meet in New York City in order to find my fabric. What fun! That sounded SO exciting! We decided to go for it, and got a crew together (my support group) of cousins, Lana and Mom. Anne found a great extended stay apartment style room for us for the whole weekend. We arrived on Thursday and left on Sunday. Lots of fabric stores are closed on Saturday, which meant that we had to find fabric on Friday.

Lana, Anne, Jody, Kelly, and Julie arrived eeeeearly Thursday morning. Mom, Paul and I arrived later in the afternoon. Our drive started out pretty relaxed, and as we got closer and closer to New York City we got more excited to be there and more anxious to get out of the car! When we finally got within sight of the City Paul was driving and Mom was giving him directions. "You need to be in the right lane" "I can't get over this guy won't let me in" "Follow the signs to the Lincoln Tunnel" "This asshole won't let me OVER what do you want me to DO!!!"

Tensions were high.

When we finally made it through the Lincoln Tunnel and emerged into the light on the other side, Paul had to make an immediate left. Old Crow Medicine Show was playing in the cd player and we all realized that the most frantic bluegrass song you've ever heard was playing, and getting louder and louder. "Turn left here!" "WHAT?!?!?!?!" Mom punched the radio knob, silencing the chaos.

We all started cracking up.

We were glad to chill out for a while once we got to the hotel. Paul did so by taking pictures of our amazing view!

Did you know Paul was afraid of heights? Look at those knuckles!

That night we had a delicious sushi dinner. I was forced to pick the restaurant because - "you're the bride!" - so we wandered around for a while before dinner. Luckily when I finally decided to take some initiative and walk into a restaurant it was a pretty good one. After dinner we found the cutest little bakery that makes the tiniest little cupcakes! See! In this picture, Kelly tries to take a normally proportioned bite out of an undersized cupcake.

The next morning, even though there was a snowstorm raging and we had a mission (and poor Anne had a sinus infection), we decided to walk some 70 or 80 blocks to the fashion district. Paul graciously documented our excursion:

We stopped at the Met for a photo-op.

Julie and Kelly are characteristically enthusiastic, even though they are cold-wet-and-miserable.

I am characteristically oblivious that snow might be miserable:

Look! We made it!

Finally we arrived at Mood Fabric...Paul and Julie are so excited!

When we walked in, someone told Julie she shouldn't touch anything since she was obviously soaking wet. She, Kelly and Jody hunkered down by the door while Lana, Anne, Mom and I searched through piles and piles of fabric and Paul went around taking pictures. We found the corner of lace, and started looking at each option. There were so many! And yet, so few that were really viable options. Anne would pull one out and unroll it, and we'd all look at it and say what we liked and didn't like. Lacey designs, sequence and pearls began to spin in my head. How could I choose from all of these?! How could I remember the differences between each one when we moved on!? We decided to start looking at fabric and leave the lace decision for later. Very quickly we found a PERFECT piece of charmeuse (?) in a PERFECT color. We took a sample of it and left for the next store, all excited!

When we got outside we realized that it was actually time for lunch and we were going to have to take a break before everyone starved to death. We spent a long time at lunch, warming up and drying off!

Then we went to Lace Star. They had walls of lace. I had been overwhelmed with the corner of lace at Mood; I had no idea how I was going to decide between all of these laces!

Then, we spotted it. It was a nearly perfect lace. It was very similar to the lace on Anne's wedding dress, which, when I first saw it I had declared the most beautiful lace I had ever seen. We got the swatch out of my pocket and put the lace on top. It was the perfect lace in the pefect color. We gasped. Paul took a picture to document the occasion.

We bought the perfect lace and raced back to Mood to get the perfect fabric. Paul graciously took another picture to document the occasion.

Mom took one too!

After we had the perfect fabric and the perfect lace I felt my brain let go of all the differences between the laces we had looked at, the softness factor, the colors, the weight. I had the perfect fabric and the perfect lace in a bag - which Paul was guarding with his life.

Some other photo highlights from New York:

So now, we have a venue and everything else will fall into place.
We have material for the dress and everything is right in the world.


Except, it's getting awfully close to time to send out the invitations, and Paul hasn't started them yet! Oh no!